Who pays for the stepchildren in a blended family?

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Bobbi Rebell and her husband are both in their second marriages — and that creates a myriad of emotional and financial complications.

When they married more than 10 years ago, her husband had a 6-year-old and 9-year-old with his first spouse. They had one son together. “I consider him the youngest of three,” she said. Rebell says she never looked at her husband’s children as anything other than her own. They both agreed that she would be their stepmother and take full financial responsibility for them too.

Rebell, the voice behind the Financial Grownup Podcast, and her husband live in New York City and have custody of his first two children, but she acknowledges how hard it would be if the children were viewed differently — or if they saw themselves differently because of their parents’ spending. “It doesn’t matter if one parent has more money, you still have to treat all kids equally,” she said.


‘It doesn’t matter if one parent has more money, you still have to treat all kids equally.’


—Bobbi Rebell, a New York-based wife, mother and stepmother


Rebell’s family is considered a “blended family,” one that includes stepparents who are either married or co-habitate. One in six children is living with a stepparent, step-sibling or half-sibling, according to a 2015 Pew Research Center report. About 63% of women in remarriages are in blended families and about half of those remarriages involve stepchildren who live with her.

As Rebell realized before she married for the second time, she would have to juggle the financial responsibilities of both her and her new husband’s own child and her two stepchildren. It can be a tricky process: When parents get divorced, they’re either still splitting the bills with their ex-husbands and ex-wives, or they might have taken full custody of their children. That usually comes with a financial responsibility.

It’s not always easy navigating two families and former spouses. Some ex-spouses have an amicable relationship, while others maintain a cool distance. In a worst-case scenario, warring former spouses use money as a way of hurting each other — and their children. That could include withholding child-support payments or much-needed money for a school trip.

Monica Dwyer, vice president and wealth adviser at Harvest Financial Advisors in West Chester, Ohio, said some divorced couples will use money and children as a way to get back at each other for years to come. All divorced couples should be prepared for unexpected expenses. “Negotiate any additional expenses as they come up,” she added.


Child custody agreements should clearly spell out what would happen in the event of divorce, death or disability.


Emily Bouchard, strategic wealth coach at Ascent Private Capital Management of U.S. Bank, suggests setting up weekly or monthly meetings to discuss expenses for the children and how they will be shared. If the relationship is strained, acknowledge that, but try to find mutual ground, if even minimally, for the benefit of the child, she adds.

Parents navigating a household with stepchildren should also hold each other accountable. No child should feel like he or she is being treated differently than the others. “It just helps to create a structure,” she said. Have these discussions when the children are not around and, when communicating with a former partner, try to do so in private and not at a time that will disrupt your family.



Bobbi Rebell

Many questions will depend on the couples’s individual circumstances. Who pays when your stepchild is getting married? What happens if your new spouse wants his or her child to go to a private school when your children went to public schools? Who pays for your stepchild’s first car when he or she turns 16? The potential for conflict (and, hopefully, resolution) is endless.

Here are a few critical times for blended families to discuss money management:

Custody agreement

Newly married spouses may want to create child custody agreements to clearly spell out what would happen to their children in the event of divorce, death or disability. Is your former spouse willing and able to take over as your child’s guardian? Or would your new spouse be better suited to the job? These are big questions couples with children from previous relationships should consider.

School activities

Some families spend thousands of dollars on after-school activities such as music lessons, art classes, and sports. Each couple will have to decide whether such luxuries come out of their joint account. One 2017 Capital One survey found 3% of parents spend $10,000 a year on such costs and after-school activities. More than a third of families said they planned to spend at least $1,000.

Child-care costs

Very young children in blended families don’t differentiate between step and biological parents, experts say, and couples typically split these costs. Parents spent on average more than $9,000 for one child’s day care last year, which is 10% of a married couple’s national median income. In a divorce, only one parent can claim the child as a dependent on his or her tax return and receive the dependent-care credit.

College fees

More than one-third of parents (37%) said saving for a child’s college education is their most important investment goal, according to a May 2018 Student Loan Hero survey. Tuition costs rise 8% every year, according to FinAid, a college application resource. As a Plan A in most blended families, experts say this cost is typically shared by the two biological parents.

The bottom line…

Parents and their new spouses may not have the same resources as their former husbands and wives, so they should discuss these issues before moving in together. Be open about your children’s expenses and any child support agreed upon in a divorce settlement before marrying, Bouchard says. That includes everything from who is listed on your life insurance policy to your retirement plan.

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Source : MTV