Several readers responded to the news of Kate Spade’s death on Tuesday by talking about their experiences with suicidal depression and the loss of friends and relatives.
When news of Kate Spade’s suicide broke Tuesday morning, many readers responded with an outpouring of empathy and support for both Ms. Spade and her family. The death also prompted several Times commenters to reflect on how their own lives had been touched by a similar experience.
Many of those readers discussed their personal experiences with suicidal depression and stories of relatives and friends who had taken their own lives.
Here are a few of the comments, condensed and lightly edited.
Losing a Loved One to Suicide
When I read this, I was shocked. I grabbed the phone to call my sister. But then remembered, she committed suicide by hanging four years ago when she was 59. She lived in the same world as Kate Spade, as a high fashion model for decades, based in NYC.
My sister took her life soon after two of her celebrity friends took theirs — in the same way. The C.D.C. reports, suicide rates are … highest in the spring.
This is a plea to anyone contemplating suicide, PLEASE get help. You are worthy. You are loved. The hole you leave behind is unimaginably huge.
— Susan Banta, Marin County, Calif.
My son suffered from schizophrenia for 15 years. Fifteen years of 24/7 torment from hallucinations, visual and auditory, psychosis and paranoia.
Please don’t say this is a temporary problem. It isn’t, and will not be for many years to come. I don’t think you would want your loved one to suffer like this for their whole life.
As much as I miss my son, to me, he was the bravest soldier who stuck it out as long as he could and chose not to live like that anymore.
He was a kind, gentle soul that wanted peace. My hero.
— TBWeitzman, Cherry Hill, N.J.
Personal Struggles With Suicidal Depression
For three years, I was an outpatient at a mental hospital, trying not to kill myself between appointments. The urges, when they came, were overwhelming. I coped by making up new rules. Stay off the balcony. Give away all scissors (except for plastic ones for children). Don’t go near the subway, bus or trams. Don’t touch a knife without repeating (silently), “Knives are for cheese, knives are for cheese. …” Above all, remember: Depression is a liar.
Fortunately, I moved abroad. An English doctor swiftly diagnosed the problem. I’d developed temporal lobe epilepsy. The bouts of suicidal depression were an “aura” signaling the onset of a partial seizure. Today, on epilepsy medication, I feel fine — as I have for years.
Ms. Spade was not so fortunate. Depression killed her, as it still kills far too many people. My heart goes out to her family and friends. May this kind and gifted woman rest in peace. And may we all have more compassion for those fighting against suicidal depression.
I suffer from depression. Today was another very dark day for me. I feel no hope and my life doesn’t have meaning. My situation is very different than Ms Spade’s. She has accomplished a tremendous amount. A child. Probably many friends. Her story is very much an illustration of depression as illness, it seems.
I’m more isolated. I’m very smart, funny and other positive things and can’t believe my life is what it is. I am looking reluctantly for a therapist because I am enduring this almost alone. I say reluctantly because a good one is hard to find. Part of what I’m going through currently is grief. I was a family caregiver, and not many care how we do after the person is gone. And I’m deeply worried about surviving financially.
Depression comes from different places, but it’s all the same darkness.
— Wish I Could Tell You, New York
As someone who has often contemplated suicide, I hope her family knows that such a death does not reflect any lack of love and caring for them. Whenever I reached my suicidal lows, I was convinced that my life was an unbearable burden not only for myself, but for them as well. It seemed the best for them in my muddled state.
Again, my deepest sympathy for the family left to cope with the grief of this.
I have had depression for much of my life. It is a tremendously difficult disease to suffer with alone and unfortunately in the U.S. we don’t talk about it enough. I’ve been suicidal on many occasions and finally found the support and medications that help me manage this illness.
Depression lies. It really does make you think that suicide is a reasonable option. That feeling horrible is permanent and suicide will help. But it isn’t a reasonable option.
No one who can figure out another solution would choose suicide. That’s the lie. It’s never the best option. It’s never a good option. There are people who care about you if you allow them in. If you will allow them to know you.
Keep talking about it, use hotlines, emergency rooms, doctors, clergy, family, friends, strangers and pets. Just use up some time questioning how it’s a reasonable decision and you will hear from many people that it isn’t reasonable. And the urge to act on your irrational plan will pass. And then you will live more fully and be ready if you have unreasonable thoughts again.
Stay safe. It’s a treatable, manageable illness. It will get better.
I had always struggled with depression. A decade ago after an M.S. diagnosis and my wife leaving me, I was alone one night in my apartment and found myself considering suicide. My mind was clear as I went through the process. For some fortunate reason I saw the process as illogical. I had a young daughter.
That night I called a local suicide hotline. I reached out, and it saved me.
These days I enjoy the struggle of life. My daughter is now a beautiful teenager entering high school.
Watching a Relative Suffer
At the age of 14, my daughter, who at that time had just arrived at our home as a foster child, came to me saying she was afraid she was going to kill herself, but she didn’t want to. She was having thoughts that said she was worthless and it would be better for all if she were gone and she was afraid she was going to lose the battle.
I had always thought that suicide was a purposeful act done by someone determined to cease living. That is not always so. With the help of a wonderful pediatric psychiatrist and a lot of very hard work on my daughter’s part and support from others, she was able to overcome the wounds of her childhood and reclaim her life.
She is now 37, living a good life with occasional episodes of anxiety, but free of suicidal thoughts. I still marvel at the courage it took for that little girl to ask for help saving her life. If you or someone you care about has suicidal thoughts, ask for help, please.
[If you are having thoughts of suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (TALK) or go to SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources for a list of additional resources.]
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Source : Nytimes
