Whether you decide to serve your own teenager or not, make it clear that nothing matters more than safety. Consider saying, “You know where we stand on drinking, and we hope you’ll follow our rules. But if you ever find yourself in a position where you could get hurt — perhaps you’re at a party that’s gone wild or you don’t have a safe ride home — know that we’ll be there for you in a heartbeat if you need our help.”
Regardless of what parents choose when it comes to providing alcohol to their own adolescents, there are many good reasons not to serve alcohol to other people’s kids. For one thing, it’s illegal to do so, and the legal consequences for providing alcohol to underage drinkers who aren’t your relatives (or making it possible for them to consume it on your property) can be severe.
So, to the final part of your question, should you say something to your friends about the fact that they serve their own and other people’s adolescents? As for their choice to serve their own children, I’m sure you know that people rarely welcome unsolicited advice. If you want to preserve your friendships, you may have to keep biting your tongue and accept that adults are, with few exceptions, allowed to raise their children as they please.
But if your friends are serving your underage child, you have more room to work. One option might be to say, “I find myself in a tricky position. You know that I’m not O.K. with underage drinking, and yet you’re serving my kid. I care about your friendship and value the connection between our families and don’t want this to get in the way. Can we talk it through?”
Alternatively, or in addition, you might say, “I assume you know this, but I just want to make sure: If something goes wrong — if a teenager drinks at your house and then gets into an accident on the way home — you could be held responsible. I worry about the kids, but I also worry about you ending up in a bad spot.”
In parenting, we and our children will inevitably come across adults who have different rules than we do on any number of topics. While it may or may not be worth it to confront other parents about their choices, we can capitalize on these differences of opinion to talk with our teenagers about the parenting decisions we’ve made and why.
This column does not constitute medical advice and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, diagnosis or treatment. If you have concerns about your child’s well-being, consult a physician or mental health professional.
Source : Nytimes
